• Allison Gray

Torn In Two...

“Mama, mama!” he shouts through the glass door as I pull out of the driveway. The sky still dark and my heart crumbles.

I am torn in two as I watch him rub his puffy eyes as he stumbles into my arms for a bear hug. He was up crying all night, and at one moment I want nothing more than for him to JUST LAY DOWN. But another moment, I want to snuggle him. I missed him.

I am torn in two as he smacks me in the face and says “No!” just waiting for my reaction. I am frustrated by his tantrums but amazed at his new abilities and personality.

It is hard to be working with other peoples’ children all day and I am torn to know my own do not get a quality mom when I come home. I am torn in two as I try to conserve some of my energy for my own kiddos, while still being the best teacher I know how to be.

You are getting so big. Your head is almost touching the counter. As I watch you eat your “cakes” (pancakes) I am torn about leaving you this morning. Some days are easy, today is not.

I want to watch you just “be” today. I want to smush your chubby cheeks and tickle you so I can take in that new big boy laugh.

It is easier at work, I can occasionally get some quiet time. At home, I am touched-out by you. But I am torn. These days are fleeting and you are so small. I miss you.

<3 Mommy (Allison)

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